It's perfect.
It's unbelievable.
It's a miracle
It's a TV dinner.
It's Fuwjax.

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This is the story, so true but so sad
Of Cap’n Fluffypants run in with that dastardly cad
That vile vitriolic villain of venomous woe
That infamous thief with the gangrenous toe
His crimes are displays of his powerful might
Yes the one the only Bucktooth the Pirate

Cap’n Fluffenstuff had bravely traveled the seas
Protecting crew and cargo as her ship followed the breeze
She bounced port to port procuring her wares
Particularly peaches and pumpkins and pears
It was some wonder that in all of her days
She and El Bucktootho had never crossed ways

Then one dark dismal day fate dealt her a hand
Bucky Bucktooth passed by with his bucky buck-pirate band
With a flourish and a wave and a flash of his blade
This warning he gave to Cap’n Fluffenwhatnot the brave
“Beware, be forewarned, be afraid and in doubt
For all that you are with, you will soon be without”

She stood stock still in horror aghast at his gaze
Cap’n Fluffennugen’s brain quickly mired in haze
What “with” did he mean, her crew and her ship?
And how would this “without” come to happen so quick?
She stared as he walked, nay he crept down the pier
What a horrible man to snatch away all she held dear

She stood there for minutes as he boarded his boat
Minutes drained into hours as she lost all her hope
For days in despair Cap’n Fluffenthangs stood on that dock
And a week passed in seconds tick-tocked by the clock
For seven long days she moved nary a muscle
In the midst of the port’s busy hustle and bustle

When she finally awoke from her fear induced coma
Cap’n Flufflebutter startled to a startling aroma
Her cargo of fruit was well in to decay
Her crew all abandoned and went on their way
She was all by herself; not a cent to her name
She shed one single tear from frustration and shame

But that one tiny drop as it slid down her cheek
Dredged up in the Cap’n something still, silent, and meek
Her courage and conviction she had managed to keep
She would reclaim what she’d lost to that deplorable creep
And Cap’n Fluffaluffagus vowed that she never would sleep
As long as Bucktooth the Pirate terrorized the deep

She needed a hand, a friendly friend by her side
So Cap’n Fluffers did search first far and then wide
For whom, one would wonder, would be worthy of this?
This searching the seas, this motoring in mists
This running and gunning, zip-zooming to find
The one winged white walleye, the last of his kind

“Hold on,” you might say, surprised at the claim
“A one winged white walleye? Why that’s simply insane
Walleyes are fish and as fish don’t you see
They have no use for wings as they swim through the sea
And on this point too, I must declare you’re at fault
For walleyes are green and prefer fresh water to salt”

My dear listener of course you’ve hit the nail on the head
If there were ever such walleyes, then they all must be dead
but Cap’n Fluffles had heard and had since then believed
That one, just one walleye, had thus been conceived
and that one, just one walleye was all she would need
and for that one walleye she would scour the seas

She had heard long ago this one walleye did dwell
In a shack in the shade of a shallow sea shell
In this hideout he hid out to ride out the storms
That shook round the sea shell when the shallows would warm
None knew of his nest, his home he had shroud
“But find him I must” Cap’n Fluffycakes whispered aloud

Cap’n Fluff had an idea, a vision of sorts
She would build a new shelter, a mansion, a fort
whatever when witnessed would woo one walleye away
from the leaned over lean-to where that walleye now stayed
A perfect conclusion, and at once she did start
And into that home she poured all of her heart

The place now constructed she spread round the word
And the walleye secluded, even he heard
About the fine house Cap’n Flufferberry designed
and that he alone was the tenant she had in mind
his curiosity did kill him (but his cat was alright)
and at once he did leave, this one winged walleye of white

He arrived at the spot he was told it would be
This brand new abode built beneath the blue sea
But no home did he find, no dwelling to dwell in
No cottage, no condo, no castle, no cabin
He found not one thing like a house or a hut
But he did find that louse, Bucktooth the Pirate

But perhaps one should say that Bucktooth found him
Since things for the walleye looked quite sour and grim
For Bucktooth had twisted Cap’n Fluffington’s directions
And led the walleye away from Cap’n Flufflebunny’s affections
And here in the remotest part of the ocean
Bucktooth planned to destroy the object of her devotion

But as he drew out his saber to dispatch the white fish
Cap’n Flufferbell appeared and interrupted his wish
“I knew you would hurt him, you awful old man
I knew you would try to hurt me again
I knew you would lie and he’d get lost on his way
I knew he would die if you had your day

“But Bucktooth, oh Bucktooth” Cap’n Fluffylumpkins went on
“Bucktooth, your pirating days are long gone
You will now be without as you wished upon me
You will wander alone as you wander the sea
You’ll never hurt my white walleye with only one wing
You’ll never steal cargo or crew or ships or bling bling

“For Bucktooth” she said as a tear breached her eye
“Bucktooth, you are a disgusting, deplorable guy
You thought your curse robbed me of all that I loved
But now you see clearly that those things were just stubs
Filling holes in my heart that this walleye now fills
For I searched the world over for his scales and his gills”

Bucktooth stood and he listened to every last word
And forgot about the white walleye with one wing like a bird
His mind melted to mush as Cap’n Fluffenfluff finished her spiel
She left him one last lump of truth in this ordeal
“All that I was with, I can now live without
I have this white walleye, through in and throughout”

“But you sir will wander this world where we stand
With no one, not one man in your bucky buck-pirate band
You will only have you, and with you will you be
Forever alone as you sail on the sea”
With a sigh she then turned and with the walleye went on
He watched without moving not an inch till they’d gone

They say Bucktooth still roams and he moans till this day
Riding alone on his ship as it breaks through the waves
He endlessly searches in hopeless pursuit
He cases the crooks and the crannies to boot
He looks for a white one winged walleye of his own
But there is one, only one, and now with the Cap’n, he’s home

Posted with : Story Time