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Some people say that when you vote, you should vote for the best man for the job. I disagree completely with that. I don’t believe the best man for the job is one of my options.

I personally think that as an American it is my responsibility to support my president even if his views differ from my own. I couldn’t stand Clinton, but while he was president, he was my president, end of subject.

But he was hardly the best man for the job, and I don’t think anyone would claim he was, even if they like everything about the man. I’ve met plenty of people who are better suited to lead a nation, regrettably they aren’t crazy enough to consider it. And quite frankly, they wouldn’t be elected, because people don’t vote for the best man for the job.

I also don’t think you should vote for the lesser of two evils. First, you can’t actually quantify just how evil a candidate is, and you have even less of a chance of quantifying how evil they will become when they’re presented with the power inherent in leading the greatest country on the planet. So frankly, your opinion of who is the lesser of two evils is just a slight twist on a good old fashioned popularity contest anyway. Second, and in my opinion far more importantly, if both candidates are evil, do you really want one of them leading the country?

But I do think most people do subscribe to something similar to this view. I think most people don’t vote for a candidate, they vote against another candidate. Either you hate Bush so much that you’ll settle for anyone else, even Kerry, or vice versa. More than likely you don’t like these guys because of mob dynamics, but I won’t even get into that today.

Here is what I propose. The night of the election the two candidates are both seated in electric chairs, when the count comes in, one of them fries, the other becomes president.

Think of all the problems this solves. You wouldn’t run for president unless you really thought you could win, so no more of these yahoos who just want all that power and glory and the chance to live in the White House. Everyone would vote, who wouldn’t want to decide the fate of our country when it involves turning the loser into a fine Cajun meal? And news ratings would skyrocket the day of the election. So everyone’s a winner, the media, the public, the government. Even the loser goes out with a bang, or at least a good crackle.

Ancient cultures used to work in similar ways. The ancient Mesopotamian cultures had a “corn king”, a member of their society who was sacrificed to ensure the following year’s harvest was successful. The Mayans used to sacrifice the losing team from their sporting events. Now that’s taking the game seriously.

So write your congressman today and ask for a constitutional amendment to make voting more fun, more important, and more American. Like Rodney Carrington kinda says, “I like my presidential candidates like I like my bacon, burnt to a crisp.”

Posted with : Bare with Me